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Of women, the church, and the priesthood: a reading list.



"Don't confuse the power of the priesthood with the keys and offices of the priesthood. The power is limitless and is shared with those who make and keep covenants. Too much is said and misunderstood about what brothers have and sisters don't. This is Satan's way of confusing men and women so that neither understands what they really have."—Julie Beck 

I have wanted to write a post about women and the priesthood for a year or so. But, every time I sat down to write something—there was nothing. I’m grateful for this phenomenon because as I’ve read and discussed and read and listened and discussed and read, I’ve realized the two most important things I can offer anyone in my sphere of influence concerning this issue is awareness and understanding. Plus, I’ve realized there really are a lot of things even the apostles say we just don’t know.

I have had an extremely positive experience in my family and in my religion in terms of being empowered and equal. I can’t explain my feeling of equality academically because no, I cannot baptize anyone or seal a couple in marriage—but it does not mean my experience of equality is not valid.

My experience also does not invalidate the pain of my good friends who feel the opposite.

One reason I disagree with Ordain Women’s demonstration is because there are a hundred questions between “Why would I want to change anything?” and “Should women be ordained to the priesthood?” A hundred questions! I’m not being hyperbolic. And, they are exciting questions! Ones I don’t think should be skimmed or skipped over. However, Ordain Women is creating awareness for an issue we should all care more about.

Although these women are only a few thousand out of millions, they are symbolic of real pain experienced by many women in the church. You know these women. They may be your sister, your mom, your daughter, your wife, the girl in your Beehive class. They are asking hard questions and feeling like they can’t talk to anyone. Or, they are internalizing unfairness they don’t know how to solve. It’s not fair to dismiss their questions under the rug of “they need to have more faith”. 

It’s important to understand why women are asking questions because the entire church will benefit from the resulting empathy and solutions. 

And, I do think that if the women and men of the church are doing all they can to understand and work towards solutions in their own wards, families and communities—and to care about the issue and its questions—with gratitude for knowledge and spiritual gifts already given—we will receive more revelation from God about things of incomplete understanding. And, we can better articulate what we already understand.

So, I present a reading list. It represents a variety of different perspectives—all useful in understanding the context of the argument and in developing empathy and love for others (even if you disagree with them). 

If you only have time to read one article, read this one:
Neylan McBaine “To do the Business of the Church” 
Conference Talks—
Sister Julie Beck May 2013 "...Lessons from the history of Relief Society"
Elder Anderson Oct 2013 "Power in the Priesthood"
Elder Ballard April 2013 "This is my work and my Glory"
Elder Christofferson Oct 2013 "The Moral Force of Women
Transcript "Top Mormon Women Leaders Provide Their Insights into Church Leadership"

Other essays and blog posts on the spectrum:
Valerie Hudson “I am a Mormon because I am a Feminist"
Neylan McMaine "A Moderate Mormon Manifesto"
Tara Boyce "Why I, a Feminist who Wants the Priesthood, Won’t be at the Ordain Women Demonstration"
Kelli "Making me Emotional Today (and a Lot of the Time) 
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What has been helpful to you? What scriptures or talks have been helpful as you've explained your positive experience to others or worked through questions and/or negative experiences?

For the words: I met my husband


Some shoes I was wearing the day before the date.

A year ago today, I went on my first date with my husband.

We went to a Thai restaurant down the road from my house. It was sunny. I remember looking at the sunlight on our table while we talked about things. It was easy to smile in that sunniness. I'd been on so many first dates—I was so good at first dates, and I could tell this date was going to be easy and relaxed.

I didn't expect to go out with him more than a few times because I was moving in two months, so after dinner when he suggested we get dessert, I suggested we go to a grocery store and buy a pint of ice cream. We ate it in his car in front of my house with two spoons and talked about dating. The topic broke one of my rules for first dates, but I was moving and 31 years old (so, who cares)—and it was clearly something fun and funny to discuss on a March night with a skinny moon.

It's super embarrassing now, but somehow in that conversation I had the audacity to say, Don't worry, your wife is going to love you. You will have such a good life. (We had just met! Hi let me be your older sister!)

He had the audacity to read me this quote:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure to keep it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of our selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. 
The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from the perturbations of love is Hell." —C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
We'd been talking about the never ending merry-go-round of vulnerability and dating. (It never ever ends!) One of his friends had emailed him the quote a few days before, so he looked it up on his phone right there in the dark of the car for me. I don't think I've ever told anyone that part of the story because it just happened, and it felt ordinary. But, it was one of the best first date conversations of my life.

Usually, I mitigate the anxiety of a first date by pretending my date and I are already good friends, but it was so unusually lovely to be treated as a good friend.

He walked me to the front door, and I walked into my house and up to my room feeling like the prettiest girl in the world (I wrote this post). Everything felt full of possibility.

I really thought we would go out a couple more times and then realize we weren't a match. Which makes the feeling of prettiness he left me with more significant.

Perhaps, because even on that first date, I knew he gave it to me for free. 


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To celebrate this little one year anniversary-- If you're married: share your first date story—did you notice anything different? If you're single, you know I want to hear your best first date stories (because real life is always better than the movies...or The Bachelor :)