A preface:
"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified." —Isaiah 61:3
Bianca's Essay:
A
few years ago, not long after my sister was diagnosed with cancer, I became
immobilized by my fears. I could not get rid of the pit of anxiety in my stomach
that I would wake up with each morning and that would stay with me throughout
the night and day.
I feared losing Rita, feared watching her suffer,
feared the lack of my own ability to help her through her illness. Every scenario
that presented itself induced in me great fear. I prayed to have
peace. There were moments when I had glimpses of peace, but they were
short-lived. I figured that one reason they were short-lived was because the
Lord wanted me to recognize how precious they were and that they truly were a
gift from him and that maybe if I felt that way all the time I would grow to
take that peace for granted. So I assumed that I just had to live with
the fear. That was until I attended a [devotional] at BYU with Elder Roger
Merrill. I will never forget the effect his words had on me. He
said that Satan was getting to otherwise good and faithful members of the
Church through doubt and fear. He said, "We must have zero tolerance
for doubt and fear in our lives!"
Zero
tolerance? I thought to myself, "How do you have zero
tolerance for something that is an involuntary reaction?" I could
see having zero tolerance for drug abuse, or pornography, or whatever else it
seems like we have a CHOICE in avoiding, but how could I reject what for me seemed
out of my power to control?
I
thought about this for days and then I reflected on how Christ handled His
temptations in the wilderness. Each time Satan tempted Him, he used the
power of the scriptures to dispel him. Sure I knew that reading my scriptures
was a good way to dispel fear and doubt, but I couldn't really spend my entire
waking moments reading them, could I? But was I really using the
power of the Word in the way Christ exemplified?
I
took a very close look at the thoughts I was allowing myself to
entertain. Many of them were full of doubt and fear. Although the
initial appearance of those thoughts and feelings felt involuntary, was I
really making any effort to cast them out? I've heard it said that a bird
may land on your head, but it doesn't have to build a nest there. I
discovered that I had been harboring in my mind the tangled nests of the birds
of prey of fear and doubt.
I realized that many of the thoughts I had
been "innocently" entertaining were a direct affront to things I was
supposed to believe. They were in essence an insult to the Lord. No
wonder I was not at peace. I was driving the spirit away.
I
knew what I must do. By increasing my awareness of these thoughts I would
identify each time one came into my mind and I would treat it like a fiery dart
aimed at me and I would then have to hold up the shield of faith with the power
of God's word to combat each one.
For
example: When I would leave Rita's house seeing that she was going downhill and
thinking of all the things we were not going to get to do together that we had
anticipated all our lives, the thought would come, "This wasn't supposed
to happen…." I would immediately say, (sometimes out loud) "All things shall work together for the good
of those who love the Lord" or "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, lean not unto thine own
understanding....
Or, when I would think about what she was going to miss out
on in life, I would think to myself, "She's being cheated—it's not
fair." I would immediately say what Joseph Smith taught, that
"All your losses will be made up to
you in the Resurrection if you remain faithful, by the power of the Almighty I
have seen it."
Another
twig in my nest of fear and doubt had come from thoughts of self pity: "Why
did this have to happen to me?" I would then cast this away with, "All these things shall give thee
experience and be for thy good, the Son of Man hath descended below them all.
art thou greater than He?" or "The
Lord loveth whom He chastenteth."
One
of the very hardest thoughts for me was "Why does she have to suffer so
much?" I then reminded myself of Peter's words that "Her trials will be more precious to her than
gold." And I knew that even though I would do all in my power to
relieve her suffering I must not charge God foolishly for it was in her
extremities that she was coming to know Him.
The
marvelous thing that I found was the immediate effect this exercise had on
me. It was as if the Holy Ghost was so attracted to these thoughts that
doubt and fear could not persist. I found the Lord honoring my effort
with such an added measure of His spirit that my anxieties began to dissipate
quite instantly. And the peace that attended these words and thoughts was
not short-lived.
[The
peace] still persists today, even after all those terrible things I feared came
to pass. [The peace] was there to sustain me through the last days and moments
of her life and beyond.
And
now I have found myself having to continue to do the same thing with other
fears in my life—[…] What if our business
fails? What if ? What if? What if? And each time I hold
up the shield of faith it truly deflects the fiery darts of fear and doubt that
can be so crippling to the abundant life and to my ability to serve.
In
the past, I certainly could have come up with those scriptures if I had
been preparing a talk or lesson on the subject, but I found I had not been
using them as the Savior did to fight the temptation of doubt and fear.
When
I told my BYU class about this, we decided to practice this exercise in
class. I would have them call out a negative thought or fiery dart. They
said things like—
"I am such a loser"
We would then come up with a scripture to quote to quench that
dart such as "The worth of MY soul
is great in the sight of God."
Or if our thought was, "HE is such a loser."
"The worth of
HIS soul is great in the eyes of God."
"I have too many weaknesses, I'll never make it."
"I will come
unto Christ and be perfected in Him."
"This is just too hard for me."
"With God
nothing is impossible."
"I'm too tired."
"I will give you
rest."
"I'm afraid."
"I have not
given you the spirit of fear."
"I feel all alone."
"I will never
leave or forsake you."
Within
minutes the spirit in that classroom was so strong, illustrating to all of us
once again the power of the Word.
I
realized this is because these are more than mere words.
They are more than nice phrases in a Hallmark card.
They are more than positive affirmations.
These words, uttered in faith, unleash the power of the truths
they represent. These words are the words of Christ which allow us to speak with
the tongue of angels and to be ministered to by them.
These
are words that The Word Made Flesh uttered and words that by Him and through
Him the power to create all things was manifest. These words, uttered in faith,
give us access to a divine source of grace and truth that can be found in no
other way.
Ever
since I was a little girl, I have struggled with fear and anxiety. I know
that this is a truth that has had to be learned and re-learned in my
life. But I testify of the power of demonstrating faith in the word of
God to quench the fiery darts of the adversary.
I
testify that in my own life I have not had to assume that I just have to live
with crippling anxiety whether it be over having to fly on airplanes or in
worrying about the welfare of my children and grandchildren.
In
literature, there are legends that tell that if one were in possession of a
certain word that with the utterance of that word, ones enemies could be
vanquished or that by the use of a word, power, not before accessible, could be
accessed.
Perhaps
these ideas have been born out of the truth that it is in God's Word, Christ,
who gave us His words, that all these things can be accomplished for those that
love him and seek to know and live by His words.
Elder
Holland has said:
“The Savior said, ‘Peace
I leave you, my peace I give unto you … Let not your heart be troubled, neither
let it be afraid.’ (Hon 14:27)
I submit to you that may be one of the Savior's commandments that
is, even in the hearts of otherwise faithful Latter-Day Saints, almost
universally disobeyed; and yet I wonder if our resistance to this invitation
could be any more grievous to the Lord's merciful heart.
I can tell you this that as a parent: as concerned as I would be
if somewhere in their lives one of my children were seriously troubled or
unhappy or disobedient, nevertheless I would be infinitely more devastated if I
felt that at such a time that child could not trust me to help or thought that
his or her interest was unimportant to me or unsafe in my care.
In that same spirit, I am convinced that none of us can appreciate
how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when he finds
that his people do not feel confident in his care or secure in his hands or
trust in his commandments."—Come Unto Me, Ensign, Apr. 1998, p. 19
And
I would add— trust in his words.
"Look unto me in
every thought, doubt not, fear not."
—Doctrine and Covenants Section 6:36
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What are the holy words you use to fight worry or anxiety? frustration? fear? anger? jealousy? What are the scriptures you use to usher in beauty for ashes?
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